Revising Diction

Re-evaluating and revising diction in a piece of writing

In considering the qualities of effective diction, you have to evaluate ways of expressing ideas, and your evaluation must include a great deal of revision.

In this stage of local revision, you need to change your emphasis from expressing yourself effectively to rooting out the ineffective.

You should work through your text slowly, looking for words that don't fully express your purpose. Four major weaknesses to watch for are vagueness, jargon, triteness, and ineffective imagery.

Eliminating vagueness

Words are vague when, in context, they do not convey a single, specific meaning to your readers. Consider this sentence:

I could tell by the funny look on her face that she was mad.

Funny and mad can have quite specific meanings, do not in that sentence. What does funny mean here--a purposeful attempt to create laughter? What does mad mean--"insane," as it might in another sentence? Certainly not. "Angry," then, or "annoyed" or "irritated" or "offended"?  The reader can't be sure. The writer removes doubt by using more specific diction.

I could tell by the way her face stiffened that she was offended.

Words like funny and mad belong to a group called utility words. Such words, as their name implies, are useful.

In ordinary conversation, which does not usually permit or require deliberate choice and offers little chance for revision, utility words are common and often pass unnoticed.

In writing, they may be adequate if the context limits them to a single, clear interpretation. But because their meaning is often left vague, they should be used with caution. The following list shows some of the most common utility words:

affair	funny	marvelous	regular
awful	gadget	matter	silly
business	glamorous	nature	situation
cute	goods	neat	stuff
fantastic	gorgeous	nice	terrible
fierce	great	outfit	terrific
fine	line	peculiar	weird
fine	line	peculiar	weird
freak	lovely	pretty	wonderful

Usually the simplest way to clarify a vague utility word or phrase is to substitute a specific word or phrase, as in the following examples:

It was a peculiar (puzzling) statement.

The news is terrible (alarming). 

The weather will be fantastic (clear, sunny, and in the low 80s). 

Vagueness is not limited to unclear utility words. Any word or phrase that is more general than the intended meaning should be revised. The substitution in these sentences make the information more specific.

The class was discussing an essay  Annie Dillard's "Total Eclipse."

Professor Jones is studying erosion. how this winter's storms eroded the sand dunes on Cape Cod.

Vague sentences cause readers to lose interest in a piece of writing.